The Office Kid

Urbandaddy: You might want to look into this thing called The Office Kid — an ingenious little kit that gives you all the upside of parenthood, without the pesky downside of having to endure Bob the Builder.
Here’s how it works: you get a prepackaged box full of kid paraphernalia (framed photos, hand-drawn cartoons of “Daddy,” etc.), which you then strew about your cubicle. Then, (and we recommend waiting three to six months before harvesting this strategy’s fruit) when you want to take the afternoon off to catch Inglourious Basterds—tell your boss, with a feeling of complete sadness and despair, that the kid’s got the flu, and produce one of the kit’s doctor’s notes.
It’s Your Kid in a Box [Urbandaddy]